


Good Omens Headcanon: Heaven and Hell are equally bad for humans

by everything_rhymes_meta (everything_rhymes)



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Headcanon, Meta, Nonfiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:14:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23073022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everything_rhymes/pseuds/everything_rhymes_meta
Summary: Aziraphale and Crowley both work for organizations that cause suffering.  They are both at once complicit in and trapped by the system. But there's one way in which what they do doesn't matter at all: Heaven and Hell are equally bad for humans.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 18
Collections: March Meta Matters Challenge





	Good Omens Headcanon: Heaven and Hell are equally bad for humans

Aziraphale does not seem terribly bothered by the fact that all his favorite musicians are in Hell. “They've already written their music.” If Mozart is currently being tortured, then that is a terrible thing to say. 

Both Aziraphale and Crowley are horrified by cruelty. But neither of them has any moral problem with doing temptations. This would be more than a bit odd if those temptations are going to result in the people being tempted being tortured for all eternity. 

But consider this: neither Heaven nor Hell has any interest in humans except as a means to the end of defeating each other. They both want to win souls, but only as pawns in their game. 

So here's a theory: once humans are actually in Heaven or Hell, the angels and demons just ignore them. They've added them to their pawn collection, and they've no further interest.

Hell, for humans, is like living in New York City in the gritty 1970s during a heatwave with no air conditioning. It's hot, it's crowded, it's noisy, it's dirty, it's dangerous, there's rotting garbage and cockroaches everywhere, it smells terrible. But the people are interesting, there's stimulating conversations, and the art and music and theatre are great. It's uncomfortable and unpleasant, to say the least, but it's interesting – and nobody gets tortured.

Heaven, for humans, is like living in a wealthy suburb in Southern California in the 1950s. It's comfortable, it's clean, it's safe, the weather is perfect, it's bland, it's boring, it's oppressively conformist, and everyone is miserable behind their pleasant smiles. 

So for humans, both Heaven and Hell are miserable, but in opposite ways. Whether humans are better off going to one or the other is a question about which you could have a serious debate. 

Aziraphale and Crowley know that. They know the afterlife is bad for humans no matter where they end up, but they also know that it's life-is-crappy bad, not being-tortured bad. 

This is one reason why Aziraphale and Crowley work as a metaphor for alienated labor under capitalism. They know that nothing they do really matters. Though of course, it does matter: everything they do makes a difference for good or ill in the lives people – and a lot of demonic works causes harm and makes people's lives worse. But it's bringing-down-the-mobile-phone-networks harm, not people-being-tortured-for-all-eternity harm.

Both Aziraphale and Crowley are morally compromised. They both have moral feelings; they’re both kind and compassionate. But both of them work for organizations that cause suffering. Both Aziraphale and Crowley are kinder than their job descriptions – but both are still complicit. They are both trapped, too, of course – trapped in the system in which they are complicit. 

Until they choose each other, and choose to side with humanity and with the world.


End file.
